Maybe Being Hungry is a State of Mind

I am still exercising every day, I have managed 7 days straight, thirty minutes on the treadmill, if I go this afternoon it will be 8 days. I know I am going to miss the weekend, I plan to visit my son and his family, hopefully the grand-kids will keep me on my toes and that will make up for missing out on the treadmill.

I am still dealing with being hungry everyday.  I try to drink more water, no help there, spend more time online goofing off, still hungry, taking a nap delays the hunger but doesn’t solve the problem.  I am not starving of course, it’s just my tummy feels empty.  So maybe I am not really hungry, maybe it is just my mind being accustomed to snacking whenever and not really realizing how often I do snack.  I read a lot and often I find myself mindlessly snacking, now that I am being accountable for every calorie it really makes me realize just how much and how often I have been ‘grazing’ in the past.

I know I am a ‘grazer,’ I think I always have been.  I avoid the lobby area of the hotel in the afternoons because the smell of fresh baked cookies is everywhere…even drifting down the hall to my room.

We eat out constantly while traveling and I look at my choices for a meal and try to judge how many calories are in a serving, how MUCH actually makes up a serving, how much can I eat (half? 3/4’s?) I know I can’t clean my plate, therein lies many calories.  My husband is a charter member of the clean plate club, and the metabolism to maintain it. Me, not so much.  If I cleaned my plate, I would never lose a pound.

I am hesitant to weigh myself. How often should I weigh, weekly? monthly? If I weigh too often I will be disappointed in the fact that I am not losing weight. So, for now, I am planning to wait until my clothes feel looser.

I will talk to you later. God Bless AinsleysNonnie


Wednesday, 9/7/16

What to say and how to begin, obviously I have come to the realization that 1500 calories a day is very hard to manage.  It is depressing when cereal with 2% milk, toast with a pat of butter and coffee with half and half adds up to 800+ calories.  I love breakfast, it is my favorite meal and I won’t do without it.  I realize I am going to have to make some more adjustments to my diet if I am going to make any progress.

The first change I have made is simple, when I am getting too hungry, I take a nap, I have discovered that you can sleep away part of the hunger, not all of it, but some.  I am skipping lunch, also, as my husband works 12 hour days and supper is the only meal we can share. I decided that by skipping lunch I was able to have more calories available for supper time.  I will try to cut out all breads, wow, this will be tough for me as I LOVE bread, any type of bread, at all.  So today I did not have toast, it saved me about 150 calories, so sad.

I have exercised 4 days in a row, which is a world record for me as I am about as active as a sloth. (Just think of me as Sid from Ice Age.)  I have walked 30 minutes on the treadmill each day and am trying to up the incline or speed daily. it is harder than I expected.

I have not measured myself as I am afraid what the tape measure will reveal…instead of  36 x 24 x 36 it will be 63 x 42 x 63. A frightening concept, is it not? I am trying to stay positive, but it is hard.

I remind myself that I have slender wrists, that  I can still wear my bracelets from high school, and nice ears, since I have earrings that still fit, also.  I haven’t had any chocolate in days, instead I am rewarding myself with prunes. Another sad story of my weight loss journey.


Labor Day Monday

A day set aside to remember those who work hard every day to keep the world going around. It has been almost 20 years since in worked in the ‘real’ world, and to be honest I don’t do much in my ‘fantasy’ world, either.

I am still not coping well, probably because yesterday was my oldest daughter’s birthday, she was 33 and she has not spoken to me in 18+ years. It is tough when you are judged so harshly. She is married and has a 10 yo daughter that I have never met.  I have never been able to hold a grudge for that long.  I might avoid someone I am not particularly fond of, but I am able to speak politely to them when we do meet.

I have 3 daughters, and each one of them blame me for a divorce that happened in 1992, I do believe it is time for them to grow up and move on.  They blame  me for ruining their lives, but the divorce was not a piece of cake for me, either.  My son is the only one who has forgiven me for the divorce and allows me to be a part of his life. I am very blessed that he loves me and shares his life with me.

Do you have friends who are supportive of your plans?  Whether it is weight loss, quitting smoking, quitting drugs or alcohol, facing a divorce? Someone posted an ugly comment about my 30 minutes on the treadmill, this person does not have weight issues, so I guess it is easy for them to ridicule those who do.  I was hurt by the comment, and surprised someone I considered a friend would be so negative about what I am trying to do.

My mom has always told me, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” good advice to live by.  Just because you might not need to lose weight, quit an addictive habit, or face a divorce or other personal issues does not mean you should belittle those who do.

Maybe I will lose weight, maybe I am destined to fail, but if you feel you can’t support me then don’t say anything at all, not knowing how little someone respects me is easier than seeing it in print.

Day 2 of exercise

Again, I managed 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 5% incline, but today I set the mph at 2.2.  I plan to try and increase the incline or the mph daily in an attempt to burn more calories. After 30 minutes the machine reads 115 calories,  the banana I had for lunch was 105. lol  I am lucky to be at a hotel that offers a fitness room, I kind of dread being at home and not having the machine a few steps away. Maybe I can go to Liberty and walk the track at the ball field. But I will need a walking buddy. Hint, Hint.

Day 4…

Today I am sad, no real reason, just sad. I feel like going back to bed and covering my head up.  I have felt so positive until today, but that is the way depression works…great days full of sunshine and happiness and out of nowhere come the blues.

Day 1 of exercise

30 minutes on the treadmill, at 2 mph and 5% incline…whooo, I just about quit after the first 15 minutes, my calves/legs were killing me, but I hung in there and did it. I didn’t reward myself with a cookie, either!

The hotel bakes cookies every afternoon for the incoming guests and you would be surprised how far the smell travels.  I have made it 2 afternoons in a row without giving in to the impulse.

Be safe and Be Blessed AinsleysNonnie

Little things do matter

Today I am telling myself that the little things I do, matter.  Reminding myself to take a bite of food, lay the fork down, chew and enjoy.  Repeat.  No gobbling like it is my last meal, paying attention to when my tummy says “I have had enough.”

I suffer with GERD and acid reflux so slowing down at meal times will be a big positive for me.  I also struggle with depression and anxiety, these are real, not something I made up. So few people truly realize that depression and anxiety are as much a real disease as diabetes or heart disease.  I have been diagnosed as diabetic but I have chosen to ignore this diagnosis and hope the weight loss and new exercise program will make a difference in those areas.  High cholesterol is another problem, but unfortunately this runs in my family on my mother’s side. As well as heart disease and stroke…yeah me!

I am on Facebook and truly enjoy reading posts and seeing the pictures and videos posted that are humorous.  I have 4 children, 3 girls and 1 boy, my son, is married to a wonderful young lady, and I have 2 adorable grand-daughters.  I was previously married, which didn’t work out very well. But now I am happily married to my best friend, he is my rock in all things.  Lucky for me he is loving and understanding with my many faults and I could not imagine where my life would be today without him.  I attend a local Church and believe God has a plan for everyone, but sometimes we take things in our own hands and make a mess. God is good and faithful to be there when I need Him, even when I fail to follow His teachings.

This attempt to lose weight is the first time I have been serious about it, truly believing I did not have the will power needed before.  I have always looked at programs to lose weight and could not justify the costs, plus I feel many of the ads are misleading; the celebrities lose a lot of weight on the program but they fail to mention they have a personal trainer and a serious exercise regimen. The commercials want me to believe that if I drink this shake, count these points, or order the frozen prepared meals I am golden, no other efforts required.  Although I laughingly asked the doctor about bariatric surgery I was not 100% sincere.  I have since then read some blogs on bariatric surgery and some of the requirements you have to follow are much harder than I expected.  I personally know 3 people who have had bariatric surgery, 2 of which are very successful. But when we go out to eat and she only has a roll, I rethink any interest I may have had.

I LOVE FOOD! I love to cook, and bake, and especially to eat out since I dislike doing dishes.  If you are friends with me on Facebook you will realize that many of my posts concern food; where and what I am eating and how wonderful the food looks, smells, and tastes.

Better get of here and exercise, but I am not excited about it, lol